THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GETTING OVER HEARTBREAK!!!
When Bill and I broke up I was devastated and thought that my life was over. I was eighteen and had never been in love before so this was like the ultimate hurt and I had never felt like that before. I felt like I couldn't breathe and like everything I loved was being taken from me and of course since I wasn't the one that broke up with him I felt like I wasn't good enough and that I would never get him back even though he said he still loved me and wanted to get back together in the future. I cried for days and hated him so much for doing that to me but at the same time how can you hate someone that you love with all your heart. He was my first love, my first boyfriend, and my first kiss so how could I just let him go right? I was going to fight for him until the day he told me not to anymore.
Now being twenty I have realized a lot of things about our relationship and they are things that were a big deal at eighteen but I was too blinded by the Why's and what if's to see it. Now looking back I see that he did it for the good of both of us even though at the time I felt like he was being selfish and only cared about himself and what he wanted. Yes he broke up with me for reasons I still don't fully understand but at the same time he saved us; he saved our friendship, he saved my love for him, he saved the way I still and will always look at him, and he saved my opinion of him. I am so thankful for him and the fact that he was so willing to break my heart so that he wouldn't make it worse later on but I am even more thankful that he saved our friendship along the way.
The first year was the hardest, I watched him date other people and seem so happy while I was sitting there absolutely miserable because I felt like I would never get him back now. Along the way I realized that it wasn't so much that I was unhappy with him, it was that I was unhappy with myself. How can you be happy with someone else if you aren't happy with yourself first? I didn't think it was fair of me to expect him to be with me when I didn't even like myself so with that being said I had to not talk to him for four months. I had to do some serious thinking and praying about what God wanted for my life and even though I still don't have the answer to that question I am much happier with myself than I was back then. When I think on how I felt on the night we broke up I think how in the world did I get up the next day. He was person I CHOSE to love, he was the person I fell in love with. I didn't fall in love over night, it was over a span of the two years we had been best friends before we ever started dating. It was almost as if my reality was being ripped away and I didn't know how I was going to get over it and that's the point of this post.
You DON'T get over heartbreak, you just learn to live with it everyday. It doesn't get easier, you just learn to manage your feelings and not let it completely over take your life. I have tried so hard to get over him but at the end of the day there is nobody else in this world that I would rather fight for than him. It's a young love but I know that if I can still sit here despite the words exchanged and the fights we've had and still want to be with him then I know that I will do whatever it takes to make myself happy again. Nobody will understand my feelings or understand why I would still want to be with someone who broke my heart but it's not their life and they don't have to understand. Bill and I aren't perfect people and we aren't perfect together but he makes me happier than I have ever been but that doesn't mean that he doesn't still make me miserable at times too. It's a two way street, you are happy and you aren't. I love him and I am happy when I am around him but just the fact that he still doesn't know what he wants and that I have to compete with everyone in the world for him makes me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am competing with everyone in the world but at the same time if we end up together that would mean that he could have seven billion other people but he still chose me and what a special feeling that would have to be.
Two years has passed and I still miss him more every single day but as long as he is happy then that is all I could possibly ask for. He is definitely a special one and I hope he knows how much I love him and how hard I will fight for him until I can't fight anymore. I love him to the moon and back ♥
You DON'T get over heartbreak, you just learn to live with it everyday. It doesn't get easier, you just learn to manage your feelings and not let it completely over take your life. I have tried so hard to get over him but at the end of the day there is nobody else in this world that I would rather fight for than him. It's a young love but I know that if I can still sit here despite the words exchanged and the fights we've had and still want to be with him then I know that I will do whatever it takes to make myself happy again. Nobody will understand my feelings or understand why I would still want to be with someone who broke my heart but it's not their life and they don't have to understand. Bill and I aren't perfect people and we aren't perfect together but he makes me happier than I have ever been but that doesn't mean that he doesn't still make me miserable at times too. It's a two way street, you are happy and you aren't. I love him and I am happy when I am around him but just the fact that he still doesn't know what he wants and that I have to compete with everyone in the world for him makes me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am competing with everyone in the world but at the same time if we end up together that would mean that he could have seven billion other people but he still chose me and what a special feeling that would have to be.
Two years has passed and I still miss him more every single day but as long as he is happy then that is all I could possibly ask for. He is definitely a special one and I hope he knows how much I love him and how hard I will fight for him until I can't fight anymore. I love him to the moon and back ♥
