Getting Over the Heartbreak ♥

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GETTING OVER HEARTBREAK!!!

         When Bill and I broke up I was devastated and thought that my life was over. I was eighteen and had never been in love before so this was like the ultimate hurt and I had never felt like that before. I felt like I couldn't breathe and like everything I loved was being taken from me and of course since I wasn't the one that broke up with him I felt like I wasn't good enough and that I would never get him back even though he said he still loved me and wanted to get back together in the future. I cried for days and hated him so much for doing that to me but at the same time how can you hate someone that you love with all your heart. He was my first love, my first boyfriend, and my first kiss so how could I just let him go right? I was going to fight for him until the day he told me not to anymore. 

          Now being twenty I have realized a lot of things about our relationship and they are things that were a big deal at eighteen but I was too blinded by the Why's and what if's to see it. Now looking back I see that he did it for the good of both of us even though at the time I felt like he was being selfish and only cared about himself and what he wanted. Yes he broke up with me for reasons I still don't fully understand but at the same time he saved us; he saved our friendship, he saved my love for him, he saved the way I still and will always look at him, and he saved my opinion of him. I am so thankful for him and the fact that he was so willing to break my heart so that he wouldn't make it worse later on but I am even more thankful that he saved our friendship along the way. 

              The first year was the hardest, I watched him date other people and seem so happy while I was sitting there absolutely miserable because I felt like I would never get him back now. Along the way I realized that it wasn't so much that I was unhappy with him, it was that I was unhappy with myself. How can you be happy with someone else if you aren't happy with yourself first? I didn't think it was fair of me to expect him to be with me when I didn't even like myself so with that being said I had to not talk to him for four months. I had to do some serious thinking and praying about what God wanted for my life and even though I still don't have the answer to that question I am much happier with myself than I was back then. When I think on how I felt on the night we broke up I think how in the world did I get up the next day. He was person I CHOSE to love, he was the person I fell in love with. I didn't fall in love over night, it was over a span of the two years we had been best friends before we ever started dating. It was almost as if my reality was being ripped away and I didn't know how I was going to get over it and that's the point of this post.
              You DON'T get over heartbreak, you just learn to live with it everyday. It doesn't get easier, you just learn to manage your feelings and not let it completely over take your life. I have tried so hard to get over him but at the end of the day there is nobody else in this world that I would rather fight for than him. It's a young love but I know that if I can still sit here despite the words exchanged and the fights we've had and still want to be with him then I know that I will do whatever it takes to make myself happy again. Nobody will understand my feelings or understand why I would still want to be with someone who broke my heart but it's not their life and they don't have to understand. Bill and I aren't perfect people and we aren't perfect together but he makes me happier than I have ever been but that doesn't mean that he doesn't still make me miserable at times too. It's a two way street, you are happy and you aren't. I love him and I am happy when I am around him but just the fact that he still doesn't know what he wants and that I have to compete with everyone in the world for him makes me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am competing with everyone in the world but at the same time if we end up together that would mean that he could have seven billion other people but he still chose me and what a special feeling that would have to be.
             Two years has passed and I still miss him more every single day but as long as he is happy then that is all I could possibly ask for. He is definitely a special one and I hope he knows how much I love him and how hard I will fight for him until I can't fight anymore. I love him to the moon and back ♥

Somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights, and all our lame jokes... I fell in Love 

****Summer Chaos****

~Summer Time is HERE~

As we ALL know summer time is Rachael's 2nd favorite time of year. No school, No stress, and NO worries about anything. Oh but this year has proven to be way different than I ever expected. I finished school on May 8th (Way earlier than High School) and I took a few weeks off to just enjoy summer and then I was going to start looking for a job. Well turns out getting a job wasn't going to be as easy as I thought it would be, It's actually REALLY hard. I have applied so many places it's not even funny. Anyway with no such luck I started watching Mr.Aiden a few days a week which I LOVE and Cherish any time I get to spend with the most special three month old in my life :) He is just amazing and I can't imagine my life without him now. He is just great and His Aunt Rachael loves him lots. 

So needless to say lots of time has been spent with Aiden BUT a lot of time has been spent by myself as well which is really hard. I am feeling as if I'm stuck and alone and it's a horrible feeling to have. Things are looking up though, I got a part time job with Ingles and I am still watching Aiden too. We got the apartment all worked out so the 4 of us (Alison, Taylor, Stacie and I) will be moving into our place on August 16th and we are so excited. We all met up this past week and worked everything out so that Miss.Tay Jay could join us. I couldn't imagine doing it without her anyway so I am so thankful that It all worked out. This summer has been very Boring but I'm sure that now having a job I will be feeling better about a lot of things and this little bit of "Depression" If you even want to call it that will go away quickly when I get out and am social again. I have tried to distance myself from friends to see exactly how I want to go about this next school year as far as trying to work on myself and the things that I don't like about myself. We have 7 weeks left of summer and I hope it flys by. I am so excited for Tristan to join the group and I'm sure we will have a blast this school year.... 

Here are some photos from the end of the school year and over the summer :) ♥

~Rachael 

I AM A WCU SOPHOMORE!! GO CATS

2nd Semester WCU

********2nd Semester WCU**********

So much has happened in the last Few months here at WCU!!

January: This month I turned another year older and another year wiser. I also got to spend a little time in Concord with my best college friends for Tay Jays Birthday. January was a pretty dull month just because half of it was Christmas break but all in all it was pretty awesome. I spent my 19th Birthday with my Amazing Friends and Family and I couldn't have asked for a better Birthday. This month we also visited App State which was a lot of fun because it still showed me that ASU is where I have to be to fulfill my dreams. 

February: This month was pretty great. I spent a lot of time getting so excited for the arrival of my nephew. This month was also very busy with the amount of school work that I had to do. February was also the month I got ACCEPTED to ASU!! Go Mountaineers!! With my acceptance I have been forced to decide what I truly want and the decision that I made was that I want to double major. I will spend the rest of my college time here at WCU and then transfer to ASU and spend two years there getting another degree. At this point in my life this is what makes the most sense and I can't Imagine not graduating with my friends here at Western after all we have been through the last year. I couldn't imagine having to walk across the stage without them. 

March: March 1st my Nephew Aiden Riley Candler, Born at 6:57pm, 20 1/4 in, 7 lbs 14 oz.. He is the most beautiful little boy on the face of the earth and I am so proud to be his Aunt. There has been no greater joy then to get to hold this little miracle and know that I will get to watch him grow up and be part of his life. I love my little cupcake and I am going to be the best Aunt I possibly can be. Every time I hold him or see him I love him more than the last time and I know that he will always have that special place in my heart that nobody can fill. This month has been awesome not only because of the birth of Aiden but also because I found out that another one of my best friends is having a baby as well and I am so excited to be an aunt to another little miracle. This month has been pretty insane and busy but so worth it all. This month has shown me how much I love my life and everyone in it. 

In the upcoming months I will be finishing my Freshmen year here at WCU and then starting my First Real Job at a daycare. I will be attending WCU in the Fall and living off campus in an apartment which I am really excited about. This year has really made me grow up and realize how much I love my life and that God is so in control of EVERYTHING. I don't think it was an accident or mistake or even a coincidence that I met Alison and Taylor, I think it was the plan all along. God knew I needed them more than anything else this year and I got awesome Friends that will last a lifetime. Alison has been awesome all year long with being willing to listen and be there for me when and wherever. She has filled a spot that I needed her to and has done an awesome job at doing it. I couldn't have gotten through this year without her. She is one of my Best Friends and will always stay that way. Even though we aren't very expressive towards our feelings on our friendship I'm going to take a moment and just say how much she truly is loved and appreciated. We may argue or get annoyed with each other sometimes but that is just the qualities we share alike that make our friendship the way it is. This semester has truly showed me how much I really value our friendship and how hard it's going to be when one of us ends up leaving rather it be me going to ASU or her going off to England. Taylor, She is freakin awesome and I am so thankful for her. She has been so great all year and has really tought me a few lessons, one in which I learned today. She has always been there no matter what and she is the happy go lucky type of person and Makes everyone around her happy as well. I love spending time with her when it's just us because I learn more and more about her that I never knew before. Tay Jay is the only good thing that came out of my roommate situation and I am so glad that I stuck that horrible situation that I was in because had I not I would have never met Taylor. She is one amazing person and is one of the most talented, fun, loving people I have ever met. I truly am a better person because I know both Taylor and Alison and had I not come to WCU I would have missed out on some of the greatest friendships ever. I am so excited to see what the next three years will hold for us. 

Second Semester WCU

My my my, So much has happened the last 2 months! Lets see where do I even begin. I took a trip to Concord for Taylors Birthday and had a blast with Tay and Alison! We went and Saw Les Mis and went to Concord Mills and several different places. Lets face it anytime that I spend with them is fun, We all get along so well and I could be more blessed with the most awesome college friends EVER! I celebrated my 19th Birthday with Tay, Alison, And Katie of course. We all hung out at the house and ate mexican food and played never have i ever and watched movies and such.

Christmas Time (:

This christmas break has been full of crazy drama at the Watkins House!

Winding down to Christmas Break

      This last two months have flown by, And I am now entering the last few weeks of my first semester of College here at WCU!! A lot has occured in the last few weeks alone and it is a lot to take in but I am so excited about the changes that have been happening. #1 new fact, I WILL be staying here at Western for another year so that I can get my Liberal Studies done. I will be living off campus in an apartment with a few of my friends and I couldn't be more excited about it. I didn't not get into App State, This is a decision I made on my own without knowing my admission status yet. #2 New Fact, I really am starting to like WCU. The longer that I am here the more I realize how important it is for me to find good friends and find something that I really enjoy here. My Friends are *{AMAZING}* and I am so thankful that I met them. We always have so much fun together and I really believe that I didn't get accepted to ASU the first time for a reason.

      November: I went to Concord NC for the Renaissance Festival with Alison and Tay Jay (: It was a lot of fun and I'm so glad that I went. It was a new experience for me not being at home for a week straight and that was the longest that I have ever been away from home besides the first week I was on campus. Hannah, Alison and I made homemade Pizza and it was delicious. It actually kind of makes me want to  make some on my own now. I am just so fascinated by Concord, I think it is so cool and there seems to be a lot of things to do that you can't always do it Asheville and for sure not Cullowhee. I got to shoot a bow and arrow for the first time which was pretty funny because I am terrible at it. I also got to see some really cool shows and Jousting. All in all Concord was pretty fun and I am excited to go back next year. Thanksgiving was fantastic with my family. We all got together and celebrated all we are thankful for. I went Black Friday shopping with my little cousin and my best friend and knocked out most of my christmas list. November was a good month.

     December: December, December, December (: YAY YAY YAY , Not only does December mean that Christmas is only a short time away but It also means a month Vacation for me. 1 more week and exams will be complete and I will be headed back to good ol' Asheville. December Also means that My birthday is only a month away. I think I probably get more excited about my Birthday than I do for the break or Christmas in general. I'm so very excited about this month and all it has in store.

Over All the last few months have been hectic but so very fun at the Same time! Everyone wish me luck on exams.

 Hannah and I 

 My Friends (Alison, Taylor, Hannah and I) 

 Welcome to Our Room (:

 Me

 Me in Concord

 Santa and I 

 Alison and I in Concord

 The Little Cousin and I on Thanksgiving

 Watkins Family Christmas Tree

Me at Thanksgiving

My Best Friend

It's crazy how we can not even be together anymore and yet we're still just as close as we used to be. He's still the one I want to tell everything to, He's still the shoulder I can always cry on and if i'm having a problem. Everything just makes sense when i'm with him or talk to him. We aren't the typical failed relationship, we aren't the ones who hate each other and don't speak. We've been through so much together and it just makes us so much closer. I love him to the Moon and Back, Always and Forever.